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15.4.10

Pain

I grew up with very low pain tolerance level.

When I was small I whined for every little pain. Each whine, I cried. And for each cry, I ran and sobbed at my mother’s comfort.

Now I am old enough, a full grown man but maybe I have not outgrown my pain tolerance, yet. I do not whine everything to my mother anymore, or even to anyone else. I must have mastered the art of being incognito. I seldom lay down my cards, especially when I am at loss.

Been through tougher and more complicated days -- moments when I felt so knocked down, lost and torn. But stereotype-me, a man afraid of showing his true emotions, crying is a big no-no. Shedding tears is a pure display of weakness, defeat, failure.

Poker faced. I am.

I used to cry alone, where no one could see me. In times of turbulence, I’d prefer to be alone. I’d rather plunge myself into a secluded beach or take myself into higher grounds – to escape, to reflect, to relax, to breathe in, to shout, to cry, to be a critic of my own self and to be a different and stronger person when it’s time to go back to the real world. Damn! I really miss those days.

Strange though, there are moments that I am willing to sacrifice half of my being to partake with someone else’s pain….

Like NOW.

14 comments:

  1. In times of turbulence, I’d prefer to be alone

    awww.. sabihin mo na naman, sa lahat na lang nakakarelate ako. eh ganun talaga.

    ser, kain na lang tayong lugaw.

    parang mahahawa ako sa post. ang seryoso eh.

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  2. "I am willing to sacrifice half of my being to partake with someone else's pain..."<----Do you do this because you love that "someone"? even if it is just one way? Natanong lang...

    I have a very low tolerance to pain too. And when I'm in pain i ceased to feel every bit of it until i don't feel anything at all, make me feel numb at a certain point.

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  3. bkit? anong meron? haha. ang seryoso mo e.

    kain na lang kayo ni chokie ng lugaw, tama na ang sabaw sa akin haha

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  4. ay nakakalungkot, sana ok ka lang koya...

    kaya mo yan, isipin mo na lang na kinukurot ka lang ni Lord, masarap mabuhay, don't deprive yourself to be happy... everybody deserves a fulfilled life...

    iiyak mo lang... pero after nun, punasan mo na yung luha mo, tumayo ka at uminom ng malamig na tubig... dahil ang pag-iyak ay nakaka-dehydrate, lumabas ng bahay para maarawan at surrender everything to Him, He knows what is best for you... :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. anu daw pkitranslate sa tagalog pwede b yun? ahahaha..joke

    kaya m yan pre

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  6. char...emo naman...kuya natatae ka lang ata..hehehe..joke..peace..anyway, one way daw to live a healthy life is to give yourself some time to be alone.

    Kaya nga healthy si Jesus, kasi he frequently goes to secluded places all by himself. Relate lang. Para ma-inspire ka...

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  7. It's ok, you are not alone. Just keep swimming :)

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  8. "Strange though, there are moments that I am willing to sacrifice half of my being to partake with someone else’s pain….

    Like NOW."
    - in love si bossing? =p
    remember, love is not love without pain.

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  9. Ay may neg-eemo sa sulok na ito... hehehe... Gaano ba kababa ang tolerance mo, naiiyak ka ba sa kagat nglamok hehe joke lang.

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  10. Lalim. Parang si Peter Pan, hanap ka nalang ng happy place mo. Lahat naman tayo may ganyang issue e. Ganun talaga. Hindi naman kasi perpekto tong buhay natin diba? Ako nga pag dumadaan ng MRT Boni station pumipikit para hindi maiyak e! :p

    Kaya mo yan dude. :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. awts. nag-eemote na hotdog. :)

    lahat naman ng tao may ganyang sandali sa buhay. :)

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  12. ibang side to ah... ang emo... hehe

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  13. sino ang taong ito? sino??? :)

    ReplyDelete

huwag ka nang mahiya, isigaw mo yan!

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